Vatican City, March 32 -- In an effort to maintain relevance and currency in this increasingly digital, wired world, the Vatican today announced the immediate availability of a new hand-held device which will revolutionize church services and functions. The device includes a small screen, a stylus input device, and four embedded applications for liturgical use. The device, marketed in the US under the name Psalm Pilot(TM), will include software for: * liturgical calendar management, with both Gregorian and Julian date systems, * text search, with the ability to beam favorite passages to other devices within range of its PrayerLink(TM) port, * catechism recitations, with full speech recognition using the external Catechismic(TM) microphone * autoconfessional, with an artificial intelligence sin recognition system and a self timer so it never has to ask, "How long has it been since your last confession." In addition, there are a number of storage modules available for liturgical text. "Because priest and churchgoer alike often need to refer to passages that change at most once in a century, we have been able to create a series of clip-in packs which we call Psalm ROMs," said Cardinal Hugh Betcha of the Holy See. He continued, "We've also added the ability to annotate any of the passages with commentaries from St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas, and the more modern scholars." The Vatican declined to comment about the details of the marketing campaign for the product, but they did indicate that the full financial resources of the Vatican would be applied to the product. "This isn't about profits, it's about market share. The revenues will come later." But it is known that there will be an advertising campaign for the product. Madison Avenue insiders indicated that the working headline for advertisements was "Spimply Psalm."