Everyone agrees that San Francisco is charming, beautiful -- consummately cool. A special place full of self-possessed people. Every San Franciscan just reeks with confidence in the knowledge that they're really lucky, and people from other parts of the state, country, probably even world just aren't as good. Take it from someone who knows: I grew up in San Francisco. But San Francisco has its blemishes. The homeless, the panhandler, the maniac may all have been very colorful personalities in a cafe during the Beat Generation, on the street during the Summer of Love, and demonstrating during the Vietnam war. But now these people are just plain irritating. Almost as annoying as all the Wall Streeters who moved to Montgomery Street in the 80's, and who despise the new Financial District imports of the 90's who drove up the luxury condo prices. The real clincher for SF's declining pride, though, is that the bozo factor is going off the charts: all the effete intellectual snobs are surrounded or even outnumbered by dummies. A tragic example of this unfolded in San Francisco just last night, as a whole bunch of people took stupid pills before going into the Metreon theaters. Dimwit A was a moviegoer (they wouldn't say which one, but I'll bet it was the new Tomb Raider [or is it Tom Braider?] flick). Mr. A wanted to smoke a cigarette in the middle of the film, and this set off alarm bells in city hall. Nobody has ever smoked a cigarette anywhere in the Metreon, ever. When Numbscull B asked Mr. A to stop smoking, Mr. A felt compelled to take out a knife and start threatening people. Well, the whole theater started going nuts and the police were called...always a good way to calm down an agitated crowd. The cops show up within the hour, and start negotiating with Mr. A, drawing their guns to make sure he listens. Mr. A starts swinging the knife around, and lunges at policemen C...cutting a hole in his shirt, but drawing no blood. The officers, infuriated at being out of uniform, start shooting. Now, professional killers can take down an attacker at 50 feet by hitting him in the foot, ankle, calf, leg, arm, or other appendage. But as we're dealing with union members here, cop D shoots cop E, sending him to the hospital with another ruined uniform. The two remaining cops, now in sartorial rage and working at point- blank range, shoot Mr. A dead in his tracks rather than risk another assault on their uniforms. Now, you may wonder how dumb San Franciscans will have to actually be before the rest of the country notices and stops coming on tourist junkets. I cannot answer that for you. Dave